What’s Up Loser! I know you’re reading this article now because you’re bored of being a skinny twiglet and want to do something about it. Am I right? Of course I’m right! You’ve ended up on this webpage, haven’t you?!

You’ve probably been searching online for a while now, to find some sort of special ’secret’ to gain muscle. Some sort of pill, powder or special workout routine… Well, let me take great joy in bursting your bubble right now! The only two steps you can take to gaining muscle are to eat right and lift weights. And that’s it!

First of all, let’s get a few things straight. If you met me, you probably wouldn’t like me. I’m obnoxious. I’m rude. And I’m a jerk. But I Don’t care! I can score chicks in my sleep with a body like mine. So do you really think I value your opinion? Hell NO!

Now, it’s my job to help skinny dudes like you gain muscle. I’m a recognised expert in the field, so I thought I’d just thrash out this article while I’m sitting on my *ss here, with nothing to do.

When I was starting out on my own muscle gaining goals, I searched and read through the internet a hell of a lot, and now, I can personally tell you that there is a lot of BS online on how to gain muscle. Lots of different companies trying to sell you lots of useless supplements, pills and powders, and lots of idiots trying to pan off some lame ass body building program that they must have found on the back of some advertising leaflet they picked up at their gym.

If you really are waiting to hear the ‘big secret’ that helped me gain muscle when I first started out, then here it is. Top of the range muscle gain programs. You can download one online these days for about the price of a tub of protein. Only a retard could go wrong with a proper program in their locker. It just makes gaining muscle a no brainer for anyone. You just basicly read the instructions and away you go. And you’re not a retard, are you?

Bear in mind that some of the muscle gain programs out there today are… well… a rip off. They don’t give you all the information you need and are quite expensive. So read the reviews and don’t get scammed!

A top quality program will tell you things you NEED to know, including:-

* What you need to eat

* How often you need to eat

* The foods you should eat and why

* What foods to avoid

* What to do in the gym

* How many times you’ll need to train per week (depending on your goals at that specific time)

* How long each training session should be

* Correct exercises for each muscle group and the correct form to perform them in

* The things you shouldn’t do in the gym

* Hormones, and the important roles they play in gaining muscle

* How to control your hormones such as testosterone and growth hormone, to help you gain muscle quicker

* The best times and ways to rest when bulking up

I could sit here all night as the list really does go on and on…

Anyway, like I was saying before… Instead of hitting the gym and doing what you’re friends tell you to do, or what you’ve read online, spend a few bucks on getting professional information and you’ll not go wrong.

I mean, how many monthly gym memberships, tubs of protein and other BS supplements have you paid for that haven’t worked so far!? Quit being a whiney loser and learn the straight forward rules that you have to follow to build muscle. Or you can just stay a puny twerp forever - doesn’t bother me!

Later loser!