Young boys have been taught not to show emotions; that this is weakness or a feminine thing to do. So they become insensitive, or overly stoic, attempting to act “tough” even when they’re in a strictly social environment.
But this is purely a cover for the real problem. It’s the emotions themselves that are weak, not the expression of them. Men are afraid to show emotion because then they’re exposed as weak and unsure of themselves. But instead of pushing themselves out of their comfort zone, going through the maturing and growth process to develop seasoning as men, they choose instead to conceal their emotions; never dealing with them, never facing their own inadequacies.
The truth is this, the strongest of men, those most sure and confident in themselves, and most relaxed in any environment they find themselves in, are in reality extremely expressive of their emotions. Being unable to, or stifled in showing emotions, is actually a sign of weakness. When a person feels in control and at ease with their environment, they lose stifledness; they express whatever comes into their heads. And to communicate powerfully, to be able to lead and influences, requires emotional force of will. Think of any great speaker or leader, they used their ability to communicate through emotions to influence.
Research studies have shown that nonverbal makes up almost ALL of communication between humans. 93% to be exact. So anyone who stifles their emotional expressiveness, which is expressed through nonverbal, loses their ability to communicate.
Now what about the strong silent type? Everyone admires these qualities in a man. But these develop from a place of seasoning, and life experience. Having dealt with life, having made his mark, and continuing to take responsibility for everything in his life, whether finances, career, education, or his day to day well-being and that of everyone in his life; a man develops a certain gravity and presence about him. He deals with life issues with calm and stoicism, trusting in his ability to deal with a situation, because he deals with every situation with the same intensity of purpose and focus. But he’s not always like this. As a male who takes charge of his life, and looks out for others, he gives himself permission to stay positive and project this outward. He’s carefree about spreading the good vibes because he knows this is for the best. This is healthy!
After years and years of mixed martial arts, and a career in the military, I have realized that the best thing for the people around me is for me to lead them into a better emotional state then they could possibly lead themselves to. This is healthy and gives people the best chance at expressing themselves in life to the utmost of their ability. Young inexperienced men do not realize this, and so act stoic or “tough” at the most inopportune of times. Either that or they go the other way and act approval-seeking and attention needy.
