As men grow up they are told to not show their emotions, because only weak men show emotions, or only women. So they put on a “tough” exterior, act stoic and insensitive at all times, even when they’re out in a purely social environment.
This is far from the truth however, and is a cover for the real problem. Expressing emotions is never weak, it is the emotions themselves that show a weak side. So when someone expresses these sensitive emotions, they are exposed as frail and unsure. But instead of pushing outside their comfort zone, too develop strength and seasoning as men, they choose instead to conceal these emotions, never dealing with them, never growing.
The truth is this, the strongest of men, those most sure and confident in themselves, and most relaxed in any environment they find themselves in, are in reality extremely expressive of their emotions. Being unable to, or stifled in showing emotions, is actually a sign of weakness. When a person feels in control and at ease with their environment, they lose stifledness; they express whatever comes into their heads. And to communicate powerfully, to be able to lead and influences, requires emotional force of will. Think of any great speaker or leader, they used their ability to communicate through emotions to influence.
Research studies have shown that nonverbal makes up almost ALL of communication between humans. 93% to be exact. So anyone who stifles their emotional expressiveness, which is expressed through nonverbal, loses their ability to communicate.
Now what about the strong silent type? Everyone admires these qualities in a man. But these develop from a place of seasoning, and life experience. Having dealt with life, having made his mark, and continuing to take responsibility for everything in his life, whether finances, career, education, or his day to day well-being and that of everyone in his life; a man develops a certain gravity and presence about him. He deals with life issues with calm and stoicism, trusting in his ability to deal with a situation, because he deals with every situation with the same intensity of purpose and focus. But he’s not always like this. As a male who takes charge of his life, and looks out for others, he gives himself permission to stay positive and project this outward. He’s carefree about spreading the good vibes because he knows this is for the best. This is healthy!
After 17 years of martial arts and mixed martial arts experience, and a career as a military officer, I realize that the best thing for those around me is for me to lead them into a healthier and more positive emotional and mental state. I’m not attempting to act tough to show people how alpha I am. This makes no sense; this is negative and a social downer. This shift between stoicism and proactive positivity is natural to the environment he finds himself in. Most underdeveloped men go too far into one extreme or the other, attempting to act tough in inopportune times, or needy and approval-seeking. People, especially women, spot the small incongruencies in behavior of a person who does not have the natural rhythm and flow correct.
